Women Need To Reconsider Their Position

[dollyp1cute]

I doubt that up to 70% of the women were really satisfied. They must have been prudent with their responses.The figures would be   more reflective of the true situation if they were reversed. i.e 20% of the women were satisfied and 70% of the men were not.

KPOM, they were probably being prudent at home with the husband as well.

[Planta]

We need to return to our traditional roles.A man has got to do what he has to do and a woman has to do her part as well.Traditionally men provide for the family.It is a man's responsibility to fend for the house and it is a woman's responsibility to be a home maker.If a woman decides to work it must not be at the expense of being a good home maker.If she insists on working or she has to work to help in the man's responsibility then the man must also help in taking care of the home.But there are basic things that are expected of women-

1.Cook,Cook ,Cook!!!!!-My elders say the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.If a woman gets this part right she is on her way to becoming the REAL boss of the house

2.Humility-Never humiliate your man in public.NEVER.Even privately make your point and give the man some space to save his face.A man's ego once bruised is difficult to rebuild.

3.Sex,Sex,Sex,Sex!!!!!-Don't use sex as a bargaining tool.Your man will look for it elsewhere.

And the men:Love your wife.For that is the only way men can condone the excesses of women!

[windywendy]

... 3.Sex,Sex,Sex,Sex!!!!!-Don't use sex as a bargaining tool.Your man will look for it elsewhere.

LOL! When you say "don't use sex as a bargaining tool", what's the difference between the woman who says "I won't give give you sex unless you meet my needs" and the man who says "if you don't give me sex I'll go get it elsewhere"? They're both using sex as a bargaining tool na. They're threatening eachother using sex...

[windywendy]

@Omoba3


You have made  many assumptions that it makes it difficult for me to agree with your submission in its entirety.
First you assumed that the woman will be up for it  everytime and let the truth be said it is not everytime that the woman or the man for that matter fsels like sex and as long as there's mutual understanding in the spirit of give and take i think there will be less tension in that department.

Dont forget that sometimes the wifey may not always want sex may be she just wants a cuddle snogging touching_{especially if you are the touchy-feely type} or something along that line and that would do fine at that point in time but sometimes we men can take it the wrong way and guess what? yawa go gas. I expect my wife to communicate to me she's does not feel like it tonite and that a cuddle a hug would be just perfect so no problem na.

Sometimes you may feel like touching your wife in those  places_{G-zones we used to say in those days} that you know turn her on without necessarily thinking of sex but guess what? sometimes they may take it to mean we are up to something. Trust me i know what i'm talking about or sometimes if you are being extra-nice she may think there's you have an undeclared agenda Ha ha ha....

I think what we have not dealt with exhaustively in this discussion is the issue of COMMUNICATION in a relationship. You will be surprised how many men and women still find it difficult to say exactly what they want when it comes to the issue of physical intimacy in a relationship. A lot of couples especially so-called christian couples think its unscriptural to talk openly and frankly about sex and what they expect  because they think their spouses will think they are wayward if they start talking about what turns them off and on. Have you an idea how many husbands and wives are suffering in this department and they dare not open up for fear of being branded. What rubbish!

So many of us when we were single and happy-go-lucky will do anything and everything and talk openly with our girl-friends and boyfriends about what we think of each other's performance in the bedroom but once we get married we clam up and become pious and sanctimonious for fear of being branded a worldly christian. Let me say this for a fact a couple that finds it difficult to communicate openly about their expectations and desires as regards sex will have serious problems in the relationship.

If you dont think your spouse has satisfied you in the bedroom the least you could do is diplomatically communicate your feelings to him/her and if there's a problem somewhere then that even gives us a better chance of resolving the problem before it snowballs into something that gets out of control.

COMMUNICATION and COMMUNICATION and more COMMUNICATION in a relationship has been proved times and times again in resolving a lot of issues so why change a winning formula?. We should be open and frank with each other if at the end of the day you know you dont have a choice and you really want to spend the rest of your lives with that person.

 Like my Pastor will say Marriage is like a door with only one side of a lock once you enter you cannot come out of it again.At least that's what a marriage should be like.

You also asssumed the man is always wanting sex have you thought of a scenario  where the man does not feel like having sex and the wife is gagging for it _{excuse the pun} how do you think the man should handle the situation?. You have to be able to find a way of saying may be not tonight darling without the wife feeling rejected or you have never thought of this?. This is where understanding comes in.

Marriage is hard work and it is the responsibilty of both parties to make it work. Using sex as a bargaining chip by the woman to get her way or the man  manipulating the woman so he can have his wicked ways with her is a non-starter and stems from not enough understanding!

So i think its both parties that need to reconsider their ways

Chikena!

I'm just reading this in its entirety, and I gotta tell ya, this has just taken my respect for you to a whole new level  You definitely know what's up  Marriage is not about all that selfish gra gra where people just plain threaten eachother with sex... It baffles me how a person can so comfortably and easily bring the threat of infidelity into a marriage relationship and yet expect the marriage relationship to be what it should be... Communication, like you said, and the willingness (and humility) to cater to the needs of the other are the key.

And yes, you definitely got that part about the woman sometimes not wanting sex, but just wanting to be held and caressed (with no sex involved) right... you da man jare! 

[Gudchoice]

We need to return to our traditional roles.A man has got to do what he has to do and a woman has to do her part as well.Traditionally men provide for the family.It is a man's responsibility to fend for the house and it is a woman's responsibility to be a home maker.If a woman decides to work it must not be at the expense of being a good home maker.If she insists on working or she has to work to help in the man's responsibility then the man must also help in taking care of the home.But there are basic things that are expected of women-

1.Cook,Cook ,Cook!!!!!-My elders say the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.If a woman gets this part right she is on her way to becoming the REAL boss of the house

2.Humility-Never humiliate your man in public.NEVER.Even privately make your point and give the man some space to save his face.A man's ego once bruised is difficult to rebuild.

3.Sex,Sex,Sex,Sex!!!!!-Don't use sex as a bargaining tool.Your man will look for it elsewhere.

And the men:Love your wife.For that is the only way men can condone the excesses of women!

Planta I hear you sha, but wetin windy go talk for this one? E be like say e no wan comment.

[windywendy]

We need to return to our traditional roles.A man has got to do what he has to do and a woman has to do her part as well.Traditionally men provide for the family.It is a man's responsibility to fend for the house and it is a woman's responsibility to be a home maker.If a woman decides to work it must not be at the expense of being a good home maker.If she insists on working or she has to work to help in the man's responsibility then the man must also help in taking care of the home.But there are basic things that are expected of women-

1.Cook,Cook ,Cook!!!!!-My elders say the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.If a woman gets this part right she is on her way to becoming the REAL boss of the house

2.Humility-Never humiliate your man in public.NEVER.Even privately make your point and give the man some space to save his face.A man's ego once bruised is difficult to rebuild.

3.Sex,Sex,Sex,Sex!!!!!-Don't use sex as a bargaining tool.Your man will look for it elsewhere.

And the men:Love your wife.For that is the only way men can condone the excesses of women!

Planta I hear you sha, but wetin windy go talk for this one? E be like say e no wan comment.

Me don reserve my comment until Planta answers the question that I posed to him above...

On a different note, you see say that your comment from before before about women coming to a consensus that men are all about food and sex is in reality a consensus about men by men themselves?? Abi how will you explain Planta's list?

[Planta]

... 3.Sex,Sex,Sex,Sex!!!!!-Don't use sex as a bargaining tool.Your man will look for it elsewhere.

LOL! When you say "don't use sex as a bargaining tool", what's the difference between the woman who says "I won't give give you sex unless you meet my needs" and the man who says "if you don't give me sex I'll go get it elsewhere"? They're both using sex as a bargaining tool na. They're threatening eachother using sex...

No difference WWendy.BTW are you a man?

[frankiriri]

Chei, How can you call our First lady a man, I go vex for you oh. Anyway prepare for the bulala 

[walcolm]

No difference WWendy.BTW are you a man?

i'd advise u declare urself AWOL  cos u're bout to get some serious ass whopping 

what a question 

in case you eventually come out of the coma u'll go into following the ass whopping coming your way, WW is THE WOMAN on this thread 

[frankiriri]

No difference WWendy.BTW are you a man?

i'd advise u declare urself AWOL  cos u're bout to get some serious ass whopping 

what a question 

in case you eventually come out of the coma u'll go into following the ass whopping coming your way, WW is THE WOMAN on this thread 

Word

[RoughCut]

@Roughcut  abeg take 

A survey was carried out in my church a while back o, men were asked to rate satisfaction in the bed area and women were asked the same using a series of question.

70% of women said everything was okay. Less than 20% of men said everything was okay.

Just in case you were wondering these are couples who have been married from 2-25 years o.

Question which side or who have they been sleeping / communicating with if the wife thinks they are cool and the husby's don't think so.


@Yodi, you don talk finish "a i le soro yen gan is the begining of oriburuku (which I actually think means ILL LUCK) for many marriages today."

Wao! i'm just reading this thread after a long while. 70% of the women surveyed think everything is honky-dory while less than 20% of the men think otherwise so someone is telling the truth! am assuming this was a survey carried out among a set of couples

Hmnn........ so which still corroborates what i said earlier that a lot of couples are finding it difficult to COMMUNICATE. If we need a survey to find out that we are not compatible in the bedroom then there's a problem.

My attitude is this: since i realise i dont have an alternative i might as well TALK  and resolve the problem if i think there's is an issue in that area. It is only when you think there's an alternative somewhere that you can afford not to address the issues confronting you when it comes to marital relationships

The fact of the matter is that for any man or woman for that matter to achieve anything the homefront must be sorted out first and if that involves TALKING about sensitive issues i think it should be done sharpish.

[RoughCut]

Roughcut: See my reply in purple


Roughcut, na who tell you say you fit put mouth for dis place sef  Really, I make no assumptions here. The standard issue with most men is that their woman doesn't give it up enough. I've heard it too many times from different people. Now in the instance of the post you are refering to, I was only regurgitating what another woman said, which left me with my mouth wide open. She was actually avocating for women to always give it up! Since then, I ran off with the idea!  You no fit blame me for dat one ke  On a serious note, how many women after series of "not being in the mood" will accept same in good faith from her husband? To most women, datn is slighting them! It is usually considered a slap in the face! Your reward for doing this will surely be denial for a much longer time, but as usual, there are exceptions to every rule!


True to some extent. This fear is true, when a woman finds herself married to a "pastor". She might and can be considered a slut for thinking along those lines! It all depends on the man's feelings about sex and how this relates to God. Sex can be seen as a means of procreation and not pleasure. On the other hand, it could very well be the woman that is prudish, if so God help such a man, cause he surely will not get much action!



I do agree somewhat, generally men do tolerate open communication from their girlfriends when they are still playing the field. But when it comes to Christian marriages, where they hold the view that the woman is supposed to shun sex before marriage and if possible be a virgin, how can she voice her concerns about sex without being seen as a slut? It real depends on the man she's married to.


No man always wants sex. However, staistics suggest that a man thinks about sex every 15 secs or minutes. If there is any truth to this, it would be because men are constantly surrounded and bombarded with sexual messages (ads and all). Sex sells everything! If this is also true, and men constantly do not get enough sex in their relationships, the very absence of this, is enough to make it our preoccupation.

Simple experiment: Find something that you can tell someone living with you (could be an adult or a child) that they are not allowed access to. The result will always indicate that the very thing you deny them access to will be the main preoccupation on their mind.


Sex should not be a bargaining chip in a relationship, but it is! Women are supposed to be reasonable with their men, but are ususally not, why? Women sometimes get to a point in their relationship that they become disgruntled with their man, why? She has concerns about certain things, she voices her concerns, the man for reasons best known to him is unable to "fix" the problem. One thing leads to another. Time passes by, other issues arise as a spill over from that one issue. The man does not realise something is wrong. The woman is pissed off and reserved so she keeps to herself.

The man oblivious to the fact that one thing has led to another, returns home one day to a "cold wife", he decides to ignore her mood, after a hard day at work he has issues of his own, he hopes the mood will pass soon.

Marriage is not a walk in the park. The real issues only arise well after the honeymoon is over and you no longer see things through rose coloured glasses. You can try to iron issues out.

But the real issues come much later when a couple have gone through periods of problems, trials, tribulations and temptation. If you still find yourself in that relationship after going through the eye of the needle, then you know you have a marriage.

And like I said before, there are exceptions to every rule!

You still dont get the point i'm stressing here. Women cannot always give it up if i may borrow your phrase. The fact is SEX is meant to be enjoyed by both parties so a situation where a woman decides to give it up just to please her husband even though she doesnt feel like it is plain silly and for whose benefit by the way?

As per the second issue you raised this is where UNDERSTANDING comes in. If you are not up for it as a man why not find a way to COMMUNICATE that to your wife without her feeling 'rejected' so to speak. If you dont feel like it and you just do it to please your wife i'm sure she probably ends up even more disappointed in the end. So why bother in the first place?

Even if the woman is married to an Arch Bishop and the Arch Bishop is still a man with the same challenges as everyone else talking about 'problems' in that area if there's any is not sinful and i havent read anywhere in the bible where it says husband and wife should not talk about SEX in their marriage. it is all about UNDERSTANDING and and our ATTITUDE 

if a woman is married to 'pastor' and she's sexually frustrated and cannot talk about it to the husband 'pastor i tell you when the woman starts taking out her frustration on the 'pastor' he would find it difficult to 'minister' in church o!

A man that tolerates open discussion about sex from his girlfriend because he's still playing the field and when he gets married talking about it is a no-no i'm sure you agree with me that the man still has a long way to go and very much behind times! Even if you married a virgin as you said so the woman should not voice her feelings if she doesnt feel satisfied because she's never had sex before she got married? Only God can help the woman in that marriage if she had the singular misfortune of getting married to such a closed-minded and inward-looking human being for a husband

I can come and revisit the other issues you raised but i think this should suffice for now

[frankiriri]

If a woman is married to 'pastor' and she's sexually frustrated and cannot talk about it to the husband 'pastor i tell you when the woman starts taking out her frustration on the 'pastor' he would find it difficult to 'minister' in church o!

Very true. Bible call its fraud. So if if the pastor dey sexually frustrate him wife that one na 'spiritual' 419

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